Wrinkled Pattern

Month 5, Day 30

Smythe

2326 Hours

He was awakened when his bedroom door opened, letting the corridor light shine in his face. “What is it?” he asked, bolting upright. He saw a red uniform in the doorway. “Is there an emergency?” The woman had red hair to go with the uniform. “Oh, it’s you.” Not this dream again! Thought I’d gotten past this one, but... apparently not. She walked over to stand beside his bed. “What do you want?” he growled, and hastily rearranged his blankets. How do I wake myself up, put an end to this?

The door closed, throwing the room into darkness. It took her a moment to answer his question, and her voice was high and tight. “I need help,” she told him. He sensed that she moved forward, inch by inch.

“You’ve had it,” he pointed out, his thoughts going back to shore leave, when these dreams seemed to start. “Bugalu and MacGregor, and who knows who else? That should be enough.” He punched his pillow, then stopped. This feels... wrong.

“They aren’t enough,” she returned. She was much closer than he had thought, and his body began to respond to her nearness. “I... I need... you.”

He heard the metallic sound of a uniform being unfastened. “You’re a subordinate. I don’t fraternize,” he almost said, but stopped in confusion. This isn’t the way it usually goes, is it? He reached out, trying to figure out just where she was, and his fingers touched the smooth silkiness of her uniform hose. “What’s going on?” he muttered to himself.

“I know I shouldn’t be here, but I... I had to come, and... and...”

“Shouldn’t the uniform be on the floor by now?” he wondered. The uniform fell to the floor with a soft ripple. “Yes, I’m sure that’s how it goes.” His fingers, having a mind of their own, traveled up her leg and found the hem of her shorts. “This shouldn’t be here,” he decided. Don’t remember her ever having her shorts on before.

He heard a sharp intake of breath, and her voice was at least 2 notes higher. “Do you want them... gone?”

Oh, yes. That would get us more on track with this dream. She’s so warm and- He froze as a terrible thought occurred to him. Maybe I’m not asleep. He bit his lip as a test, was dismayed to feel pain. Even so, he couldn’t just... pull his hand away. “Are you... offering sex?” His voice was husky; his lust would be unmistakable. She’ll know she’s got me.

It took a long time for her to respond, her voice so soft he nearly didn’t hear, “Is that what it will take?”

Feeling like he’d been dumped into a glacier, he reluctantly pulled his hand away from her warmth. How many times do we have to go through this? “You’re offering sex in exchange for-“ He couldn’t go on. He knew the answer, and he had an overwhelming urge to agree, to say anything that would get her into his bed.

“Help with my studies,” she breathed readily. “I thought... if you...”

Oh, she’s crafty. Won’t say it plainly, that she’ll give me sex for a passing grade on her test. That way, she can claim innocence, and I not only could wind up in trouble for falsifying a test score, but also for bedding a subordinate. He could feel his heart beat in his chest like a throbbing ache. And she might get away with it, because it might be worth it. To have her in my bed. For real. Just once.

She made a strange, unrecognizable noise. “I... have duty in about... 10 minutes.”

Is she asking me to relieve her for the night? To initiate sex right now? That’s more like the dream. It would definitely seal my doom; Jane would never let that slide. He forced himself to turn away from her and lay back down, pulling the blanket up to his chin. “You’d better get there, then.”

“But,... you haven’t said-“

He closed his eyes tightly and barked, “Go!” loud enough to be heard over the pounding in his ears. He never heard the door to indicate she had followed that order, and he couldn’t trust himself to open his mouth and repeat it.

He felt her sit on the edge of his bed. “What are you doing still here?” he asked in surprise. And hope.

“Looking for help,” she answered simply, and placed a warm hand on his shoulder.

“I told you-“ he started, rolling to his back, but her mouth covered his, and he got nothing else said. Speaking was not the urge that overwhelmed him as he pulled her closer, welcoming the warmth of her body that ignited an answering fire in his. This was what he wanted, what he needed; this woman, and he didn’t care if having her was taboo, or what her reasons might be for coming to him. The fact she was here was the important thing, not his rank, not his job, not-

Smitty opened his eyes to a dark room and a bed that felt woefully empty. “Colleen?” he asked in a whisper, but received no answer. He lay in the starless darkness, hardly able to breathe, unwilling to think. But eventually he whispered, “Lights, 20 per cent.” He stared all around his bedroom, but it was empty. The door to the bathroom was not locked.

He let out a deep, shuddering sigh. That dream again. He threw the covers off, sat up on the side of his bed. Took a strange twist this time. I almost thought it was real. He stood and scowled at the bathroom door. I hate cold showers, but it’s my only chance to get any sleep tonight. Reluctantly, he started forward. If it had been real, she never would have made her station on time. I couldn’t have let her go. Of all the women in the fleet, why did my body have to pick her?