A Forced Conversation

 Month 15 Day 2

1706 Hours

Smitty

Smitty was leaning against the bulkhead when Colleen emerged from sick bay. He stood up straight as soon as he saw her, and she stopped short, a sudden frown on her face. "What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"I thought I'd accompany you to wherever you're going. To make sure you get there okay."

She turned toward the lift. "I'm not an invalid."

"No, but yesterday you were supposed to have an escort from sick bay, which somehow failed to happen, and things didn't go so well."

"I made do."

"With some help from... friends," he pointed out. "I figured it would be better if help was more readily available. Just in case something happens tonight."

"I wasn't under the healing ray today."

"No, you weren't there long enough," he agreed. "But still, since I'm here, I thought we could walk together. And maybe... talk."

"I told you—"

"I know what you said. And I'm trying to respect your feelings. But at the same time, I need to know what I've said or done, or haven't said or done, that has you so upset. Without knowing that, I can't decide what I can or cannot change. And that puts us at a complete standstill." He stopped walking, a hand on her arm to get her to face him. "I don't want to be at a standstill. I want to get past this. To set things right. I still want to marry you, Colleen."

Her jaw worked. She stared up the corridor, and then down the corridor, and finally, at him again. "I don't like the opinion you have of me, Smit."

His eyebrows bunched in confusion. "I have the highest regard for your skills and knowledge."

"That's professional. I was speaking of personal."

His confusion deepened. "I'm sorry, I still don't understand." Please don't use my confusion as a reason to shut down again, Colleen. Give me a chance. "I just told you I still want to marry you."

"Yes, there's an unspoken 'despite everything' clinging to that statement."

"What?"

Her mouth hardened. Her eyes smoldered, but she took half a step closer to him and bit out, "You are so sure I will cheat on you, that you felt the need to warn me against it, when describing our future life together. It’s obvious you think I've already cheated on you. I don't have any idea why you think that, or when I'm supposed to have done it, when we were only together for 3 weeks, and we were practically inseparable during that time! It seems to me that if you can't bring yourself to trust me, then we have no business getting married!" She took a deep breath and stepped back. "Now, if you don't mind, I was headed home. I've been neglecting my projects this past month."

"Your projects?" He turned to walk with her.

"Yes, my Yukosk dictionary and book on their grammar. Plus I think if I reread Kolla's letters, I may find a clue about the solidifying problem we've been experiencing with the teleportation system."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to a rec room and play some kind of game?" he suggested. Anything to prolong this contact with you, even as contentious as it's been. Even this is better than no contact at all.

She barely glanced at him before she started to walk off. "I think you've forgotten my current limitations."

Blast, yes, she can't play a game with her arm in a sling. "A movie, then. We could go see the movie."

She stopped and turned halfway around to stare at him. "Mr Smythe, that sounds like a date request. I'm not ready to date. Anybody."

"But..."

She started off again. "Perhaps Nurse Monroe would be interested. If she doesn't already have plans."

Who's Nurse Monroe? The name brought no face to mind, and in any case, he didn't care. He wasn't interested in spending time with anybody that wasn't Colleen MacDowell. How do I show her that I trust her if I can't spend any time with her? Can I trust her? To do that, I'd have to know, without any doubt, that she isn't carrying someone else's child. But that's medical information, and beyond the scope of what can be revealed to me as her supervisor. Even being her mentor doesn't give me that right. Only being her husband would. And here you go, Smitty, all tangled up in a web of maybes with no way to find your way out. He let out a deep breath, feeling defeated.

She paused several feet away and glanced back for a second, and let out her own breath, sounding... frustrated, if nothing else. "Okay, I will allow you to walk me home, if you promise not to talk about... personal matters."

He hurried to catch up with her, happy for the chance to spend some time with her, whatever the restrictions. As they walked, he tried to think of some subject to talk about that she wouldn't consider too personal. "How did you and Lt Bugalu meet?"

Her mouth became a thin line for a moment before she answered. "He was my brother's roommate at the Academy. And that's all I'm going to say on that subject. Try another one."

He wasn't sure what to say. "How did you meet Lt Tall Bear?"

"Yellow Dog and I needed someone to spot for us in the gym, and he and Ferguson looked like they could handle it. Why are you only asking how I met various men?"

"Okay, how did you meet Yellow Dog?"

"We were both left to our own devices until the Fireball arrived to claim us, us having been assigned here. It was a lot easier to entertain ourselves when there were 2 of us."

"But there were 3 of you, when you came aboard," he protested. He couldn't remember the other woman, but he did remember there were 3 of them.

"Nurse Monroe didn't actually show up in the Fleet waiting quarters until about half an hour before the Fireball arrived. It was pretty plain as soon as she arrived that she had no interest in being friendly. Which, I've gathered since then, is pretty normal for her. Is that the best you can do, to keep asking how I met people? I'd rather talk about the paperwork you've had me do. Like the daily rosters. Why haven't you automated that?"

"That's work," he pointed out. "And we're off duty."

"I don't mind if you don't. It seems a much more interesting subject than explaining how I've met everybody."

Far less personal, too. Which is how she wants it. But I know so little about her, on a personal level. Bide your time, Smitty. Talk to her on a professional level first, and maybe she'll let the conversation get more personal. Eventually. "It didn't seem important to have it be automated," he answered. "It only takes half an hour or less to fill it in each day. To automate it..."

"Is less difficult than I think you think it is. I've almost written the program for it already. I could write it, if you want me to, and let Oakhurst check it over. Then, instead of half an hour a day to fill out the roster, it would only take you 5 minutes to check it over, sign it and send it up to the captain's desk."

Well, that would surprise the captain, wouldn't it? he thought. And why haven't I had Oakhurst automate it? They arrived at the lift and waited for it. "Tell me how you would do that," he requested.